New post coming... just be patient!

I'm working on getting a new post out, but this one is going to be a long one, so it may take a few nights to get it all out on "paper." It is a VERY personal and VERY emotional one for me... 

Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Help!

So my best friend is having a gold-themed birthday party next month for her golden birthday (26 on the 26th). I am looking for something to wear. I have narrowed it down to 3 things... but I need your help!!

Option 1:

 It is a shirt, and not a swim cover-up :)

Option 2:

Only has sequins on the front and is racer back.

Option 3:

And, just because it's fabulous, I had to share:

Kickball Injuries

I think I have bad luck with the Winter kickball season. Last year after my very first game of kickball, I fell down the stairs at my parents house. 9am on a Saturday. Sober. Not even hungover. In fact, I was more well rested than normal because Parker's dad had him the night before. Unknown to me until 2 days later, I had broken my tailbone. I was walking around as if I had a giant stick up my butt. The steps I was able to take were so minusculey small, it was pathetic. To be able to get through my day at work, I had to sit on giant pillows at my desk chair. The vicodin the urgent care doctor gave me made me completely useless at work, so I was suffering through the pain with just the help of ibuprofen. My broken tailbone took me about 6 weeks to heal from. 6 weeks with a broken tailbone while also being a single mom to a 1.5 year old was torture. You cant just ignore a 1.5 year old and lay on your stomach on the couch. No... you have to still be up and doing things at all times. The pain was ridiculous. 

So, while I did not hurt myself actually playing kickball last season, this season is different. I had a game this last Sunday, and while playing second base, three of the fingers on my left hand had a small collision with the leg of another player. They bent backwards, and pain instantly shot through my fingers and hand. All I could think of as I was in pain was "I don't have insurance, I don't have insurance, I don't have insurance!!" Since I had to leave my job at UCP last month, my insurance is no longer valid. Luckily, I don't think that I need any medical attention, even though the hand is still hurting days later. The hand is not swollen, not bruised or discolored, pretty much looks great by the naked eye. BUT, it hurts still. A lot. It aches constantly, and any strange movement, and a few sharp pains go through my hand and wrist. All I can hope is that the pain will go away soon, and that the string of Winter season kickball injuries stops here.

The French Fry Dance

Did you know there is such thing as a french fry dance? Neither did I until last night. My two and a half year old taught me all about it (as well as my mom and step-dad [Dan]) yesterday evening. 

To begin with, Parker and I decided to visit my parent's house after I picked him up from his other grandma after I got back from Eugene and done with my kickball game. They decided that they would buy us dinner from Burgerville so we had an abundance of french fries at our disposal.

After awhile, Dan asked me if I could play a song off the Glee album that Parker used to sing along with months back. So, I put it on, and Dan turned up the volume nice and high. Parker, of course, loves to dance--so he and I started singing and dancing around the living room. Pretty soon he had a french fry in each hand and shoving french fries into mine. Slowly he followed by shoving french fries in my mom and dan's hands. And them pleading with them to come dance and sing with him. So there the four of us were. Dancing around the living room to Glee songs while holding french fries. The song hit of the night was Glee's Jump song--every time the word "jump" was sang in the song, all of us jumped in the living room (still holding french fries). Parker thought this was awesome and amazing. He was having so much fun!!

It was truly a great night, and definitely a night that I will not soon forget...

Need for Sleep

I am so frickin' tired. Every night this week I have gotten a maximum of 6 hours of sleep. And I just worked for 12 hours today. My body is telling me to go straight to bed. Problem is, I still have to plan my lesson for tomorrow... yiiiikes.

Reasons to be a Single Mom

Most people know the bad parts about being a single mom: doing it all by yourself, having to wake up every time the kid does, paying for everything, always being the one that stays home with the sick kid, the list goes on and on. But did you know that there are actually pluses to being a single mom too?

Yeah. 

I don't have to clean up after my kid AND boyfriend/husband. I only have to take care of/clean up after myself and my kiddo. 

I get to do things MY way in my house. Sure, I don't have the support that other mom's do, but you know what? I like that I am able to do things my way and that Parker and I can have our routines that work for us. I also get to raise him how I want to. He gets some influence from his dad and other family members, but all in all, I get final say.

When I don't have Parker (as in, his dad does...) I get nights of uninterrupted sleep. Completely. I can go do something and not worry about waking him up when I get home or having to get up early with him. I can sleep in and not feel guilty about it.

I get to have a relationship with my son that is so very special. We rely on each other, and he knows that I will always be here. I know, I know... other moms have this with their kids too, but they have to share the love more. Parker is all mine when he is here, and although that sounds selfish, I don't care. He is my baby after all! 

I get to decide how he dresses. I buy all his clothes, so I get to have the say, and don't have to worry about the questionable choices of my boyfriend/husband. 

So, yeah. Although there are a bunch of negatives to being a single mom, I try to live my life remembering the positives, because, really, walking through life thinking of how much better it could be is not healthy. I am trying to make the best out of this situation, because this is my life, and my son is my world.

Overworking

About 6 months ago, I was convinced that I was going to be able to do Student Teaching and work my job as a manager at UCP during off hours. I was lying to myself thinking that I could do it, because the idea of having no income for at least 4.5 months was terrifying. Let me just say, thank God I didn't do both. And thank God that my boss didn't let me. Student teaching is taking so much out of me, even though I love it so much. I'm working on-call shifts here and there to get a little bit of income, and just that is sounding like a lot to me right now. Can you imagine trying to fit in 40 hrs of work into my schedule as well?! I would have gone crazy and would have spent little to no time with Parker, which is not something I am willing to do. I love that little boy so much, and spending less time with him than I already do would absolutely break my heart.

y=mx+b

As I was walking out to my car today, a mother of a student rolled down her car window and said "my child just told me "she is soooo nice!" It was such a wonderful thing to hear, and it makes me actually feel like I am making a difference. Even if it does just mean that the students (or just one student) like me. 

As a part of my practicum experience, I am being introduced to the AVID program. I am helping out as a tutor during the tutorial days and as a co-instructor on the other days. What we started to realize just recently (especially today), is that every AVID kid is struggling (badly!) in their math class. So, here's the thing about the math class:

1. The students take notes in a math notebook. BUT they can not take the math notebook out of class, which means that they have NO notes to look at when they are trying to do their homework later. 

2. They do not have math textbooks.

3. The teacher teaches really fast and does not really slow down or go back to help struggling students.

4. There is a student teacher in the class

5. The cooperating teacher has been sick all this week, and they have had the WORST substitute ever. So, the student teacher is teaching all on their own with little to no help from the substitute. 

6. The student teacher apparently plans well, but is SO FOCUSED on teaching everything in their plan that the students do not understand, and he does not slow down or go back to something they need help with. 

7. GOOD students are acting out and getting kicked out of class because of the not-understanding. 

Can I just say PROBLEM??!

So, I told a bunch of the kids that I would stay after school with them and try to help them understand it because I have always been good at middle school and high school math. So me, a language arts teacher, is going to attempt to "tutor" 7th grade students in math because they aren't getting help anywhere else. It breaks my heart, because these are all really good kids, and they are all pretty smart, and they could DO this if they had just a little more support.

Exhaustion Has Set In

Flat out, I'm exhausted. It's only Monday, but it feels as if I haven't slept in a week and a half. I have been getting up at 5:45am every week day, and not going to bed until around 10 or 11pm because I am spending my time lesson planning. Speaking of lesson planning, I taught a lesson today... completely solo. Yep, I taught a writing class all by myself. I came up with the material, made my own worksheets, and executed the lesson... fairly well in my opinion. Tomorrow, however, I am teaching a class while being observed by my supervisor... which is kind of a big deal. And I am soooo so nervous. One of the classes I am teaching tomorrow (I am teaching the same lesson to two different classes) is the class full of trouble-makers. Even just today, we had to send two of them out in the hall to do their work because they were causing so many disruptions. I hope my classroom management skills are good enough to deal with that class... Luckily, my cooperating teacher is still going to be in the classroom if I need her help... I'll just be the main teacher that day.

I haven't had much of a life outside of the school lately. If I go out to hang out with anyone, I only ever end up hanging out with the same person... my friend Crystel. I miss having a bit of a life... but I have a feeling a life is something I wont have for quite a while... and I just have to come to terms with that. Raising a toddler on my own combined with finishing up my Masters degree and getting ready to become a teacher is so much work that I cant even imagine trying to do something else... but life is kind of lonely...

A Weekend to Myself

Yep, you heard it right. I have a weekend to myself. Parker is with his dad all weekend, and although I miss him to pieces when he is gone, it is SO nice to have a few moments to myself... and a full nights sleep!! What am I doing with this free weekend, you ask? Let's see... I slept in till 1pm, woke up with a giant headache, went over to my parents and fed the animals because they are out of town, and now am doing laundry, writing lesson plans, and cleaning house. Sounds wonderful, huh? All the things that are so hard to do when the kiddo is home is what I end up doing when he is away.

Tomorrow, I am spending most of the day working my 2nd job. I have to go train with 2 different adults with disabilities so that I can work weekend shifts with them in the future. I really don't want to spend my weekend doing that, but it is the only way I can get some income over the next 5 or so months.

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That...

I took a picture of Parker during his bath tonight. As soon as I saw the picture, I couldn't stop thinking about how much he looked like Josh in the picture.... I mean, that smile is a DEAD give-away that Parker is Josh's son. So, I combined a picture of Parker with a picture of Josh, and this is what I came up with....

I didn't realize HOW much Parker looked like Josh until I saw this picture. Usually people say that he looks exactly like me because of the hair... but there is a lot about him that is SO not me. As my friend Tori said, "he looks like an exact mixture of the [two of us]." Crazy, isn't it??

The Pros of a Non-Traditional Classroom

Goodness, there is so much to talk about! Practicum started on Monday, and I have been so busy and so tired! I apologize in advance if this post seems to ramble a bit, but I am not sure how I want to formulate this post yet... So this may be interesting. 

I was a little skeptical about my practicum placement at first. Through email, it seemed as is my cooperating teacher did not really know what was going on, which made me really nervous. Not only that, but she does not have a traditional classroom. She has a 7th grade AVID class, and then has 2 reading groups and a writing group. All of these groups are for students that need extra support in the two areas. Twice a day, she goes into other classrooms (social studies, science, math, etc.) and helps with literacy issues related to the subject. For instance, this week, she went around to all the sixth grade science classes and taught the kids how to navigate through a state scoring guide so that they would know what was expected of them in a lab write-up. Parkrose is already a pretty low-income school--many kids are free/reduced lunch, and there are a few that are even homeless. Not to mention I have already seen three kids that can barely read or write (they're in sixth grade!!)

I've been in the classroom for a week now (tomorrow is a grading day, so there is no school for the kids) and I have never loved a job this much!! I absolutely love the kids, and I love being in a middle school. Until recently, I thought I would hate middle school. I was totally set on teaching High School, but I am finding myself wishing I could stay here for the rest of the school year (after only four days!!). I love working one on one with a struggling student and seeing the light bulb go on in their head--they get it!! And this happens with other subject stuff as well! I've been staying after school with my cooperating teacher and helping kids with homework they are having problems with (math, for example). I love love love love looooove this school, this grade, this teacher, and everything about my experience so far. 


Tomorrow my practicum supervisor is coming by the school at 10am to have our first official meeting all together (me, Mrs. Alfrey, and my supervisor). I also have to have some sort of a lesson plan figured out and ready to go tomorrow for a writing lesson that I will be teaching on Monday. The kids in that class will be brand new kids. So it's their first writing intervention class of the trimester. I have to start out strong with something that will make them excited for the rest of the class... hard shoes to fill. I think I am going to try to aim for something more fun, less workworkwork. It's just a matter of figuring out exactly what to do. I've had many ideas: acrostic poem, I am poem, a stream of consciousness writing, a get to know you partner essay, etc. 


I just keep thinking about the kids in the different classrooms. The kids that are homeless are also the kids that cause the biggest disruptions and are the hardest students to handle... but you cant get mad at them, because they have all this other stuff that they are going through that you cant even imagine. And then there are kids that miss 2 weeks of school in a row because of some family crisis/secret that I cant really go into full detail with. The situations that many of these kids come from is so sad... but it also really makes me want to teach them more so they can rise above their situations now and be something/somewhere better. 


I really hope there is a job opening here next year... and I really hope that they would hire me if there was.