Adventures in Student Teaching

Today I went back to Middle School. And the strange thing, is that there were a lot of similarities to my own Middle School. Not only is the layout of the building very similar, but the types of kids in the classroom are remarkably the same as well. Throughout the day, I found myself comparing many of the students to kids that I went to school with in Corvallis. 

I was so nervous when I pulled into the parking lot. I thought I was going to vomit. But from the very moment I met with my cooperating teacher, I felt very at ease. She is the nicest lady and SO down to earth! I had so much fun today, and the school day zipped by!!

The kids were great, too! My cooperating teacher has 2 reading groups, a writing class, an AVID class, and then goes into other classrooms to help with reading comprehension. There is a lot of running around, but that probably makes the day go by faster, right? I will probably be doing my work sample on writing an essay. It's my choice which kind of essay (except for a personal narrative because they are doing that in other classes right now and will be sick of it). I wish I would have done more practice in my MAT classes for teaching writing, but I feel confident I will come up with something great. 

I can't wait to go back tomorrow!!

Preparation

Lunch packed.... check

Parker bathed... check

Coffee ready for the morning... check

Bagel in the toaster all ready to go... check

Parker's outfit laid out... check

My outfit laid out... almost

Freaking out... most definitely

Thanks for all the Memories

Well, that's it. I am no longer a manager at my job. I no longer work out of the office, and I will not see many great friends on a daily basis anymore. As soon as I walked into the office on Friday, my co-worker Kelly handed me a card. Being the sap that I am, I started crying before I had a chance to even read it. So I pulled myself together and finally opened it up after 10 minutes. Crying again. Most of the people in my office had signed it and had great things to say to me. I am so blessed to have had such a great place to work for so long. One of the adults that we support at my work came into my office with a handmade certificate of appreciation, a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and a cardboard box (so I could move some stuff out). It was a very sweet gesture!

These are the flowers:

So long, UCP. Thanks for all the memories...

What Happens If...?

Practicum and Student Teaching got a little more real for me this evening. I had to go to a mandatory orientation for it at Concordia, and let's just say my anxiety level was through the roof. I am going to be working my butt off for the next 4 months, and do not have the flexibility for Parker to get sick (let alone myself!).

My anxiety level went back down a bit after a beer at Kennedy School with my cohort. Man, I love them! We were all able to drink, eat, and chat about all sorts of things--vacation, our placements, trying to find a job, graduation, the party after graduation... you name it. It was a much needed break from reality.

I am a little nervous still, though, because I CANNOT mess this up. I need to be perfect to get a job after all this is done, and if I fail, I can pretty much kiss my potential teaching career buh-bye. Everyone keeps telling me that I will be fine, and that I will get through this... and I am honestly trying to believe them... but I have so much going on in my life at all times that if anything went wrong, it could potentially all spin out of control. And that terrifies me. 

I have been so stressed about everything lately (money, school, work, Parker, our future, etc), that I find myself constantly thinking--and constantly thinking of the way things can fall apart--and ohmygod what happens if it does?! I guess its a symptom of being a single mom... you'd think it would get easier after awhile, or that I would get better at it... but some days it seems like I am barely hanging on. I hate the feeling, and I hate the guilt that I am not spending as much time with Parker as I want to. I just have to remind myself that this will not last forever, and things will turn around and get easier.,. at some point.

Girls Girls Girls

Two of my friends recently have had baby girls. This means that I get to shop for them here and there. It also makes me slightly jealous and want one as well... lets work on actually dating first though, yeah?

Anyways, with all these girls to shop for, I have found myself in LOVE with a few things. 

Can I just tell you how much I need this for a possible future daughter?!

And the hat. The hat!

Not to mention, the swimsuit!

I honestly cannot tell you which pair of shoes I like more... but I love both!

If you know me at all, you know how much I love cupcakes. You can imagine how much I love this shirt :)

Yep, LOVE

Now, for the giraffe outfit. I love the giraffe outfit. Where else have you seen something like this? I'll answer that for you... Nowhere. That might be why I love it so much. And the colors so different for girls' clothes, it's amazing. 

Two Days

Two more days of work. Two. Days. That's it. And then I am supposed to be able to leave here, feeling all happy that I am going to finish up my schooling and get out of this place. Problem is, I love my place of work. I thoroughly enjoy most of the people I work with on a daily basis, and I find a lot of inspiration by working and interacting with the people we support at my office. I am going to miss seeing all of them so much!! Luckily, I still get to see some of my favorite co-workers, as we all play on a kickball team together. This is a picture from our summer tournament this last summer. So much fun!

I think part of the problem with me leaving is that I am comfortable here. Sure, it isn't my ideal job, and it sure as heck doesn't pay as much as I would like it to, but it's a job (with income!) that I like... and I am proud of how far I have come here. In three and a half years, I have held four different positions, and have worked my way up to a middle-management position. I'm the youngest manager (by far), and my boss has nothing but positive things to say about my work. It's hard to leave something like that, you know?

Let's See How This Goes...

So, I am a perpetually bad blogger. I start a blog, and am good at updating for maybe four months. Then I get busy, forget all about it, and decide about a year later that I need to start a new blog. Here we go again! My goal of this blog is to get more personal--less fluff, more depth. I'm not even sure if anyone will read this, and honestly, I'm not really sure if I care right now. This is for me, right? 

For the past few weeks (months, actually), my anxiety and stress level has been rising... steadily. At the end of this week, I am quitting my job and preparing to start Practicum and Student Teaching to fulfill my requirements to get my Master of Arts in Teaching and my teaching certificate. This means working full time (and working hard all the other time) with NO PAY. That's right--No. Pay. I am absolutely terrified by this, not only because it is something completely new and all of a sudden I'm not sure what I got myself into, but I'm supposed to be able to support Parker and I for 18 weeks with no income other than student loans, which let's face it, does not account for the amount needed to pay for daycare. GREAT. So, instead of fully leaving my job, I am switching to on-call, which means that I will be working overnight shifts here and there earning $5/hr less than what I am now. I can only work shifts when Josh has Parker, which ensures that I will have zero free time between now and June. And what happens at the end of June, you ask? Well, I hope and pray that I can get hired as a teacher somewhere, try and find some Summer work teaching Summer School, or pick up more on-call shifts through UCP. Either way you slice it, my life (and Parker's life) is going to be chaotic and in limbo for an undetermined amount of time. My only hope is that I can keep this from disrupting Parker as much as possible... and that I am going to be able to pay my bills.